by Lobotomy Patient Z / Jun 10, 2026
-----A few weeks ago I started with a new hobby. Very niche one I would think … Or at least I haven’t found anyone else with this fabulous hobby. It is a true timepasser and very gratifying one.
My new hobby is to suck mucus from my sinuses backwards. Nothing is more satisfying feeling than the feeling of mucus slowly moving towards the back of ones oral cavity. It’s not that easy feat to achieve. It takes some learning to get hang of it. Use of tongue and the position of head and all the little details one wouldn’t ever think are involved.
The best part about this hobby is that you can do it everywhere, whenever, and nobody really notice it. Completely different than masturbating for example.
I didn’t really decide to get on with this hobby … It just kind of happened. One morning I had such a stuffy nose that in the shower and after I felt the mucus slowly moving backwards and down to my throat. That was the first time I very passionately engaged in this new hobby of mine. Or should I say “what became a hobby of mine” … That’s more fitting. The whole rest of the day I did try many different ways to get the mucus flow better, faster and, the most importantly, more!
Since then I have used all the time I have to spare to this hobby. Sometimes even a whole day! The best thing ever happened in my life!
Are there any fellow hobbyists out there? I would love to hear good tips from the more experienced hobbyists!
EDIT @ 2026-06-11 00:20:12
After writing and publishing this there was some very serious talk about mucus and such at the #gopherproject IRC channel … and I happened to do the following:
00:04 <lpz> annna, code a mucus movement simulator in fortran
For the uninitiated annna is the »NNN(tm)» of the channel … A.K.A. Neurotic Neural Network(tm).
And this is what the über hallucination it came up with:
MODULE MUCUS_SIMULATOR
CONTAINS
SUBROUTINE MOVE_MUCUS(x_pos, y_pos, x_vel, y_vel, dt)
IMPLICIT NONE
REAL, INTENT(IN) :: x_pos, y_pos, x_vel, y_vel, dt
REAL :: x_new, y_new
x_new = x_pos + x_vel * dt
y_new = y_pos + y_vel * dt
WRITE(*,*) 'New position: (', x_new, ',', y_new, ')'
END SUBROUTINE MOVE_MUCUS
SUBROUTINE CHANGE_VELOCITY(x_pos, y_pos, x_vel, y_vel, new_x_vel, new_y_vel)
IMPLICIT NONE
REAL, INTENT(IN) :: x_pos, y_pos, x_vel, y_vel, new_x_vel, new_y_vel
REAL :: dx, dy
dx = new_x_vel - x_vel
dy = new_y_vel - y_vel
WRITE(*,*) 'New velocity: (', new_x_vel, ',', new_y_vel, ')'
END SUBROUTINE CHANGE_VELOCITY
SUBROUTINE SIMULATE_MUCUS(x_start, y_start, dt)
IMPLICIT NONE
REAL, INTENT(IN) :: x_start, y_start, dt
CALL MOVE_MUCUS(x_start, y_start, 0.5, 0.5, dt)
END SUBROUTINE SIMULATE_MUCUS
SUBROUTINE MAIN()
IMPLICIT NONE
CALL SIMULATE_MUCUS(1.0, 2.0, 1.0)
CALL CHANGE_VELOCITY(1.0, 2.0, 0.5, 0.5, 0.7, 0.3)
END SUBROUTINE MAIN
END MODULE MUCUS_SIMULATOR
/
Find the NNNH(tm) here:
gophers://bitreich.org/0p/p-ElGBAcPt5UV0O.txt
So there we have it! The mucus movement simulator in FORTRAN!
END OF EDIT
Yours drooly,
Lobotomy Patient Z
Feed your reader thingie.
-
E-Mail: lobotomypatientz@subproject86.net
! NoBrAiNeR !
SiNcE 2026